Well, here we are. I'm sitting in the airport, waiting to board my flight to NYC. It's a long story, but I missed my first flight, not of my own fault. Luckily for me, I got this one free of charge. I still have an hour or so before I board, and I can't help but feel so many emotions.
Moving has certainly elicited several emotions, some that I never thought I'd feel when this day came and some that I completely expected and embraced.
Fear of the unknown. Fear of losing myself to a big city. Fear of leaving loved ones behind. Fear of not fitting in. Fear of dissatisfaction. Fear of failing. A lot of fear.
I hate this emotion. It is not a welcome friend in my book, and yet it shows up whenever it wants to, completely unexpected. I was not surprised to feel this way, but it still doesn't make the emotion easier to bear. It's that confusion of whether the tears you are crying are due to sadness or happiness. Or maybe somewhere in-between. Or maybe a mixture of both. Whatever it is, it's always a weird feeling.
This one couples with fear, for the most part. Excited for the unknown, excited for the adventure. Excited for the people I'll meet, the experiences I'll have, the places I'll see, the adventures that I'll be able to call all my own. Anxiety for the time I've waited. The time that has passed ever so slowly, from months to weeks to days. To mere hours and minutes. The time is now. And my anxiety will probably hold on for a long while after I arrive, I expect.
Realization of how important my family is to me. That's never been news to me, but as I grow with experiences, the relationship to my family has become closer and more important to me than ever. It's a new chapter in all of our lives. I'm the last one to graduate school. We're all entering a new chapter together, and I'm so glad that I have their support, especially in this industry. Love for all of the people who are supporting me, who are already in the city. I feel lucky to have this support system wherever I go.
Looks like I'm getting ready to board soon. Here we go....
Goodbye Missouri, Hello New York City.