The Time is Now!

Well, here we are. I'm sitting in the airport, waiting to board my flight to NYC. It's a long story, but I missed my first flight, not of my own fault. Luckily for me, I got this one free of charge. I still have an hour or so before I board, and I can't help but feel so many emotions.

Moving has certainly elicited several emotions, some that I never thought I'd feel when this day came and some that I completely expected and embraced.

1. Fear.

Fear of the unknown. Fear of losing myself to a big city. Fear of leaving loved ones behind. Fear of not fitting in. Fear of dissatisfaction. Fear of failing. A lot of fear.

2. Bittersweet.

I hate this emotion. It is not a welcome friend in my book, and yet it shows up whenever it wants to, completely unexpected. I was not surprised to feel this way, but it still doesn't make the emotion easier to bear. It's that confusion of whether the tears you are crying are due to sadness or happiness. Or maybe somewhere in-between. Or maybe a mixture of both. Whatever it is, it's always a weird feeling.

3. Anxiety/Excitement

This one couples with fear, for the most part. Excited for the unknown, excited for the adventure. Excited for the people I'll meet, the experiences I'll have, the places I'll see, the adventures that I'll be able to call all my own. Anxiety for the time I've waited. The time that has passed ever so slowly, from months to weeks to days. To mere hours and minutes. The time is now. And my anxiety will probably hold on for a long while after I arrive, I expect.

4. Love

Realization of how important my family is to me. That's never been news to me, but as I grow with experiences, the relationship to my family has become closer and more important to me than ever. It's a new chapter in all of our lives. I'm the last one to graduate school. We're all entering a new chapter together, and I'm so glad that I have their support, especially in this industry. Love for all of the people who are supporting me, who are already in the city. I feel lucky to have this support system wherever I go.

Looks like I'm getting ready to board soon. Here we go....

Goodbye Missouri, Hello New York City.

14 days and a lot of crazy.

14 days until I make the big move. The big move to New York City.

It's very surreal at this point. 2 weeks ago, I was leaving my summer stock in Indiana, ready for home and relaxation. Now I'm caught in this in-between state of my home in Missouri and my soon-to-be home in a different state. I can't tell you how many times I've had to catch my breath, just thinking about it.

I have to keep reminding myself that this is not the last time I will be home. I'll always have the ability to travel home. Just not as easily... and certainly not as cheap.

To recap the summer:

I went to a summer stock in Bloomfield, Indiana.
I met wonderful, creative, inspiring people.
I learned several things about myself as an actress and truly connected myself to a piece in a different way.
I expanded my abilities as a thespian and can now add 'props designer' to my portfolio.
I discovered and set new goals for myself and gained a lot of self-confidence.

In the next two weeks, I need to:

-organize my audition book
-re-read my notes from 'Nuts and Bolts' (a class on the business side of theatre)
-have a few panic attacks
-subscribe to Backstage


And relax.

Let's see if I can do it all.


Oh, and I want to learn a new language. Is that too much to ask?

Hello from Indiana!

Well, I'm currently writing this from inside my cozy room here in Indiana, where I'm doing summer stock until August 1st. This is my second time with the summer stock experience, and I will tell you that it's certainly different from my first experience.

We opened our first show of the season, "Ring of Fire: The Johnny Cash Musical Show" last week and the first weekend ended up being quite successful. It's a great show for this town in particular considering the people who live here. They responded very well and hopefully the closing weekend will bring in some great crowds as well. Singing country isn't one of my strong suits, but I've definitely enjoyed developing those skills. Plus, it's Johnny Cash...what's there not to like, right?

Yesterday started the beginning of "The Fantasticks" rehearsals, the second show I'm in. I performed in this role last summer, and I'm very excited to reprise the role with a whole new take on it. We've already begun tablework and I can say with confidence that this show will challenge me mentally, physically, vocally, and emotionally. I can't be more excited. Even though I've done the role before, it's like stepping into the role for the very first time again. I've grown in several ways since I last did the show and I'm looking forward to exploring the character further. The theme of my journey through this show is: "Find the ugly."

I'm learning a lot about myself not only as an actor, but as a person here, which is unexpected. Welcomed, but unexpected.


Side note: I've found a real passion for props. I'm the props mistress for the season, which I didn't think would overwhelm me too much. I was wrong. But I'm grateful that I'm doing it, because I've discovered that I love the research, creativity and crafting involved. Just a thought. :)